Second Chance

Just a year back, when Alok got through DuPont in #Hyderabad, I knew it was life giving him a second chance to be a part of this city, it was life giving me a chance to redeem myself. For it was just 10 years ago, Alok had got an opportunity to join #Google. It was anybody’s newcomers’ dream come true. Everything was ready, a cab was called and he was to board it to go to the airport and then he refused. He put us before him. We stayed in #Gurgaon. Very soon, I realized what he sacrificed, I wanted to redeem.

2016 – I knew it was my time to put us before me. We moved to Hyderabad, on this very day last year.

Little did I know that it was not a second for Alok. It was a second chance for me. Years ago, when faced with a choice either to fight my demons, I opted to run away. I ran away and created my own #Paradise. Inside the walled security of my world, I forgot everything. I thought I had beaten my demons. I am not immune to apathy and I would not be hurt ever by people who love me but in their own terms and if it is convenient.

How wrong was I! Time did a loop on me. I was back in my #Hell, #Cuttack. It was just not familiar to those days of mine, it was similar. Even the climate was so freaking similar that it surfaced a lot of forgotten or repressed memories. Somehow #Time managed to create such a situation that I was again a little-scared girl of seven, looking for approval, to please, and trying hard every minute to fight back her tears. My demons were pouncing at me with vengence and suppressed anger of 12 years.

I wish I could say, I beat them this time for good and I am a hero. I am not. I merely survived or surviiving. The gashes are little too deep to heal so fast. I learnt few valuable lessons, still feel as though life has few more lesson that it wants me to learn. My fight is far from over. I am trying to #AlwaysKeepFighting.

While Cuttack had convinced me that I was a good for a nothing failure, Gurgaon took me in her arms and explained me how wrong I was; I do make a difference in some way or the other in the lives I touched and Hyderabad is trying to make me strong, it is bringing out all the monsters and demons from the closet and wants me to beat them, this time for good.

Hope next year, this time, I look back at 2016 and 2017 and smile and realize that it all happened for a reason and it was all worth it.

– Amen